Compromising wasn’t something I ever learned in school.  How about you?  Anyway, I had to learn compromising skills the hard way….mostly through difficult and challenging moments in relationships that didn’t end well.

Ideally, we’d grow up in families where compromising skills are role-modeled in a healthy way, but few of us are so lucky; we have to learn them on our own into adulthood.

Knowing how to compromise is an essential skill we must possess if we want to have better relationships.  Whether we’re talking about the relationship with our romantic partner, our children, our co-workers, or our bosses.  Compromise is essential.

Here are 4 parts to compromising that we have to get good at if we want to be in positive, life-giving relationships:

#1. Take the Long View

Many times, we get so caught up and obsessed about the tiny details of the momentary issue that we forget it might not even be that important in the grand scheme of things.

We need to see the big picture and the long view for relationships and ask ourselves if this is really a hill we want to die on.  99% of the time it’s not.

#2. Put on Their Shoes

In order for us to be skilled at compromising, we have to have empathy for the other.  We need to understand the emotions behind their desires, or else we’ll never really get to the heart of the matter.

Our ability to empathize helps us relate to the other and to understand them better, which allows us to understand more deeply what we’re even trying to compromise on in the first place.

#3. Know Third Place Wins 

Third place is that win-win solution that you come up with.  Nobody gets exactly what they want, but nobody totally loses either. It’s the middle ground that is third place.

To be successful in any relationship, we have to get comfortable with not getting what we want, but also not totally losing either.  We need to see that third place is truly the best place.

#4. Master Mental Yoga

This is all about being flexible. Comprising requires us to let go of control and rigidity and to learn how to be flexible in our wants, needs, and desires.

Being flexible requires that we’re not always right and that sometimes we’ll own when we’re wrong.  Because let’s face it, we’re wrong sometimes.  And it’s OK to admit that for the sake of healthy relationships.  This is being flexible.

When you think about compromising in these four ways, you’ll score some big relationship points being someone that knows how to compromise well.  And as always, don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like help coaching you or your team on growing in this important area of life.