Quentin Hafner

Why I Don’t Stare at Other Women’s A$$es

Before I write another sentence, let me be clear: this is not about casting a moral judgment or categorizing actions as moral or immoral. The essence of this conversation transcends this simplistic binary thinking of right and wrong.

I’m not interested in that simple take, so keep reading, because I promise this is not another boring perspective on morality and judgment for being different from me.

This is about something far more essential than morality, it’s about values.

This is about making a declaration for who you are, what you stand for, and finding out what it takes to actually live that out.

It’s about aligning your actions with the deep-seated principles that define who you are and who you aspire to be. This perspective shifts the narrative from judgment to clarity about one’s self, to focusing on a journey toward self-conviction.

I don’t look at other women’s asses not because I think I am morally superior to you, but because it doesn’t align with my personal core values and what I stand for in this world.

Let me explain. But before I dive in, let’s talk about something in our culture; In a world obsessed with surface-level attractions and superficial relational desires, it’s time to challenge a pervasive myth: that all men, regardless of their commitment, inevitably ogle and objectify other women.

This boring and overplayed mainstream view of men defies a deeper integrity of many, value-driven men who stand for something even better than lustful desire.

Depth of Commitment

Value-driven men understand that marriage is more than a contract; it’s a spiritually profound pledge of loyalty and love. The commitment transcends physical attraction, anchoring a deep connection with their partner. They see beyond the transient, the physical, and the lustful, and a higher value is placed on the enduring bond. This depth of commitment is not a chain of suffocation, but a liberating force, freeing them from the enslavement of superficial hunts for momentary pleasures.

Some guys see their wives as ball and chains, I see my wife as the jailer who held the keys that set me free.

Respect as a Cornerstone

Respect in a relationship goes beyond polite gestures and kind words; it’s about honoring dignity. Value-driven men recognize that ogling another person is not just a harmless act—it’s a breach of respect. My wife has carried two beautiful children for me, how could I disrespectfully betray her sacrifice by staring at another women?

Self-Control and Discipline

Contrary to the belief that men are slaves to their impulses, value-driven men exhibit remarkable self-control and discipline. Value-driven men see self-control, not as restrictions but empowerments. Self-control and discipline provide the strength to align actions with my values. I get to choose what is my value over what is easy. This discipline that I have developed is a testament to success in all aspects of my life, including my marriage.


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Understanding of True Attraction

Value-driven men realize that attraction is multifaceted, encompassing emotional, intellectual, and spiritual dimensions, not just physical. If attraction for you is primarily physical, I would love to invite you into a deeper learning about yourself. I cherish the deeper layers of connection with my spouse, finding beauty in shared experiences, intellectual exchanges, and spiritual journeys. This holistic attraction reinforces my commitment, making the idea of superficially scouting for physical features seem trivial and unfulfilling.

Consistency of Character

The principle “how you do one thing is how you do everything” resonates deeply with value-driven men. They understand that small actions reflect their larger values and character. Thus, not looking at other women is not just about loyalty; it’s about living a life of integrity across all areas. This consistency is what defines who you are, ensuring that you act with the same level of commitment and respect in all aspects of your life, from their marriage to their professional endeavors.

Would you lend money to someone who objectifies women? If you say “yes”, I would say it’s a risky loan.

And, with all that being said, I want to emphasize that recognizing beauty in others does not necessitate objectification, or a compromising of values. We, as value-driven men, can and should appreciate the beauty of human expression around us. However, my appreciation has to be grounded in respect and mindfulness. This distinction is crucial.

It’s possible to see and appreciate beauty in a way that honors the other, as if this was our own daughter.

The Hotel Room Test

An ultimate measure of trust and integrity in this context is what I refer to as the “hotel room test.” The question is simple yet essential: Would I trust you to spend the night in a hotel room with my wife? This question is a litmus test for the absolute confidence one has in another’s character and values. It reflects the highest level of trust that can be accorded to a man, demonstrating that his values, commitment and fidelity are beyond question. This test goes beyond mere morality; it’s about knowing that a man’s principles guide him reliably in every situation, especially when no one is watching.

So, could I trust you? If “yes”, do you think other people feel the same?


If you’re wanting to level-up your life, get connected to your own set of values and living a life filled with love and power, just respond to this email and we can start a conversation on how to make that a reality for you.

PPS: Here’s how I can help you:

1. Work with me or one of my team members 1:1

Having a personal coach to work with 1:1 will be life-changing. There’s no greater feeling than having an objective ninja in your corner. We have limited space for 1:1 coaching, but if you want to make changes fast, this is the great route.

2. Join my high-performers mastermind group

This is a group of high-achievers and high-performers that are dedicated to living great lives, both personally and professionally. It’s a small group that meets twice per month over zoom to encourage, support, challenge, and up-level one another. This group is open to high-performers only. If you’re reading this, you probably are one!

3. Join me for full-day intensive

What if we got to spend an entire day together doing an 8-hour coaching session that deep dives into a specific area of your life or business you want to sky-rocket. Do you want to change your marriage? Do you want to make a $1M dollars? It doesn’t matter, whatever the dream, we can make it a reality.

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