The end of December marks a great opportunity for all of us to reflect on 2016 and set some fun and exciting goals for 2017.
I’m kind of a goal-setting junkie to be honest.
Having clearly definable goals keeps me focused throughout the year…or else my ADD has a way of distracting me to the point of ruin. Ugh…
How about you? What are you goals? How do you want to spend the next year? What are you looking forward to doing more of? What do you want to change or what do you want different from 2016?
Recently during a couples therapy session I told the couple I was working with that there’s nothing really wrong with their relationship, and in fact, they were fighting with each other in understandable and predictable ways. I said, “there’s nothing wrong with you guys!” I told them I could see how much each person deeply loves the other as evident by how much pain they frustration they experienced. Understandably, they were dismayed at my assessment and it seems they were expecting me to confirm and validate their own worst fears; that they did not in fact love each other, that they really hated one another and that their relationship was doomed, and that perhaps I was secretly thinking, “Wow – these people are really messed up!” Continue reading
Date-nights are an interesting topic in my practice. There is a lot of relationship advice on the internet suggesting how beneficial date-nights are for your relationship, but my own personal experience and the experiences of the couples I work with in couples therapy suggests that something critical might be missing from the iconic date-night.
Whenever my wife and I are lucky enough to have an evening babysitter, we excitedly think about having a date-night and all the glorious things we can do with our time together, but at times in the past, we have ended our date-night not feeling much better about us, or the connecting quality of our relationship. For many couples, date-nights are lack-luster, emotionally un-gratifying, and can often feel forced. For this reason, I do not prescribe couples to go on date-nights (not yet anyway), until some certain awareness’s are developed regarding the date-night. Continue reading
As days go by and time slowly slips away on our marriage journey, the diminishing sense of curiosity and excitement about our partners can often be replaced by frustration, disappointment and sometimes even a general dislike for one another. One of the most beautiful and special things about having a fantastic marriage is the ever-changing ebb and flow of our partner’s personalities, temperaments, likes, dislikes, desires, and dreams. When couples report to me that there marriage “just became stale”, I know immediately, they stopped being curious about each other. And isn’t that so easy to do with all the busyness of life, and the hustle and bustle that young children bring to our daily routines. Continue reading
Have you ever caught yourself in the middle of a conflict with your partner using arguments such as “that is simply not true!” or “you’re not being rational!” or any number of “logical” statements trying to trap our partners in their web of irrational-ness! Or am I the only one that does that? When things get heated between partners, often times, our initial go-to response in attempt to defend ourselves is to employ logical and, what we believe are, highly intellectual statements to “prove” our partners wrong. Well, I blame science for this fruitless and damaging relational interaction. Science, especially in our Western cultures, has taught us that words such as “rationale”, “logic”, “proof”, and “truth”, are the holy grail of our English language and should be valued above all. However, as it goes with interpersonal relating, using scientific reasoning as a defensive strategy to against our partners “illogical” perspective has dire consequences and usually will undermine any semblance of intimacy. In this regard, “science” is wrong, and so we need to find a new vocabulary and a new way of understanding when it comes to rationale and logic.